It’s been two years. Two long agonizing years of trying to forget her. I promised that I will move on but my heart doesn’t want to follow me. It’s still beating for her.
I could still remember that day. It was raining and it was suppose to be our wedding day. The day that I was waiting for. The day when I will be committing my whole life to her. To the woman I knew I will always love. To the woman that I can’t even mention the name anymore because my heart couldn’t take it.
Every time I close my eyes, all I could see is her, getting in a cab, and running away. I know that she saw me. Her eyes were watching me as I ran for her. It was raining but I still ran, hoping she would make the car stop, hoping she would get down from the car and ran back to me – but none of it happened.
I watched as the car goes until it took a turn and disappeared from my vision. I watched as the woman I love disappeared. It was my greatest fear. I wasn’t mistaken that it would happen.
But why does it need happen on our wedding day?!
I was prepared. I was so prepared that one day, she’ll wake up remembering all of her past but she can’t remember me. I was prepared to hold her in my arms, to calm her down, to explain everything, to really get to know her. Now, it’s all impossible. She’s no longer mine.
I don’t want to remember what happened after that. The new wound that I got from her is just too deep. Nothing can and nothing will ever heal it. I just have to live with it.
I spent those two years trying to forget her. The pain that I’ve got is much too great compared to the pain I had with my family. She helped me to fix my problem with them, yet she created another one for me.
I almost killed myself. I simply can’t find any reason to live. Anywhere I go, I was looking for her but she’s nowhere to be found. I’m haunted by our memories whenever I sleep, whenever I sit on the couch, whenever I go to work, whenever I open my eyes. The pain was just too big that it’s the reason why I’m living. I’m living because of pain.
I became a mess again. I pushed everyone who could possibly try to be there for me. I don’t need their pity, I’m already miserable. Everyone who knew me got disappointed, and even if they don’t show it, I know that they are. I was on the top of my game and with just a snap, I lost everything. I lost her.
I forgot how to live.
It was raining this morning. I’ve always hated rain. Maybe because it rained that day. There are just so many things that changed after that event. I took a deep breath, careful not to let her in my thoughts again. If there’s only a medication that I could take so I can forget her, I would’ve tried it already. I would do anything, anything to remove her from my head.
My phone rang as I put on my undershirt. I let out a groan when I saw that James was calling me. He’s been like this. He’s always checking up on me, maybe he’s making sure that I’m still alive. I grabbed it and put him on speakerphone.
“Richard! You’re awake, right? Please tell me you’re already awake or I’ll be there in a couple of minutes to drag you up again. Hey bro, are you even listening to this call?”James barged.
“I’m already awake. There’s no need to shout.” I replied.
“Good, good. You can’t miss this meeting, alright? This one is crucial so be there in time. God, I sound like your assistant. Did you already take a bath? Are you on your way now or you just got up from bed? Hey buddy, answer me.” James continued.
“I’m on my way. James, please, stop. I know what I have to do. I can’t let this meeting pass by because I know that Papa is finally giving me authority to be Vanguard’s CEO. I got it.” I said as I continued to dress up for work.
James fell silent for a while. “Alright, bro. I trust you it’s just that .. I-I’m still worried about you, okay? Especially this day. You know –“
“James.” I called, my voice firm. James immediately stopped talking. Over the years, James learned that when my tone is like that, it’s already a warning. Another thing I’ve developed from getting my heart broken. “I know what day it is. You don’t need to remind me.” It’s her birthday today.
James sighed on the other line. “Okay. Sorry. I’ll see you later.” He said and he hung up.
I stood up to get ready for work and I stopped before my mirror. I looked so different. I lost a few pounds, my face was stern, and my eyes looked so tired. Two years ago, I was full of life, I was full of happiness and now reality sucked it all out from me.
I grabbed my phone and my things and I left my condo unit. I bought one near where our firm is. I chose to abandon my old unit. I always see her in every corner of it. It’s part of the things I did to move on, but it’s still not enough.
When I entered the meeting room, my father is already there, seated on the end of the table. He gave me a small smile when he saw me. I gave him a nod. I already removed happiness in my life. There’s really no need to smile.
“Pa, are you sure you’re really doing this? You and I both know that I’m in no shape. I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life, let alone run a firm like this.” I truthfully said. I’ve been thinking about it since Papa announced this.
“Ricky, why are you telling me this now?” He asked me. He stood up from his seat and sat on the chair beside me.
“I can’t run this thing Pa. I know that I can’t. Ayokong maging failure ang firm na ‘to na alam kong pinaghirapan mo. I’m a failure Pa, and if I run this thing, baka ganon na rin ang maging kahinatnan nito.” I explained.
My father remained silent. I thought he was going to scold me or something. Through the times I’ve been sober like this, all he did was scold me, like the kid he never saw growing up. “Son, do you really see yourself like that?” My father started. “Hindi ko man nasubaybayan yung pagtanda mo but I know that you’re not a failure. Yes, you .. you got lost for two years. But it’s your choice if you want to keep going on that wrong path or you will stop and took the path you used to take. Life’s a choice, Richard, just like this firm. I’m giving you this job not because I’m tired, or because you’re my son, but because I can see you running this place better than me. When you returned to work here, hindi mo ba nakitang umunlad ‘to? There are so many good things that happened back then –“
“That’s because I was inspired.” I interrupted. “I did those things because of her. Everything’s because of her. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for her, we would still be avoiding each other. If it wasn’t for her, you’re not talking to me right now. And now that she’s gone, I .. I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore.” I said. Two years, two whole years, Richard and you’re still in love with her.
I heard my father sigh. “No. Everything’s not because of her.” He said making me look at him. “Bago kayo magkakilala, sino ba si Richard Lim? You’re one of the best and the youngest architects around! And based from what James told me, nahigitan mo pa ata yung projects na ginawa ko when I was in that age. Hindi mo kailangang sabihing magiging failure ‘to because you’re good at this, Richard, and she has nothing to do about it. You don’t need to throw everything away. Why not take those things that you know you’re good at and focus on it? You’re the reason why you’re here. If I were you, I would take credit for that.” He said. “Ricky, I’m not saying this for you to accept the position. I’m saying this because it’s the truth. Yes, she helped us in a way, but she’s gone now. It might be hard but you have to accept it. It’s time to get back to the game, son. I don’t want you to mess up like what happened to me when your mom died.”
I sighed deeply and nodded my head. Parents might always say that we can take a lesson from their lives. First I thought that it was just those things that they say but it was all the truth. I’ve learned that my father spent every night with my mom when he learned that she was sick. And when she died, he was so devastated. People believed that the death of my mom was just an ordinary thing to him but Papa told me that he only do that to the public, but when he got home, he would spend the whole night drinking and even crying, just like me. And it wasn’t just because of my mom; it’s also because I left him.
He’s right. This is a chance I have to take. I’ve pushed too many opportunities, too many people that could possibly help me. It’s time to get back on something I’m good at even if I had to do it one at a time or even start from scratch. “Okay. I’ll take this job. But I just want to be clear about one thing. I can’t make another house plan. Ibigay na nila sa’kin lahat ng buildings, restaurants, anything, wag lang houses, Pa.”
My father nodded. I knew he already got my point. I can do anything to forget her but I can’t seem to make another house plan. The last one I did was for the renovation of our house, where I thought we’re going to live together. I could still remember that my father was really shocked when I made five rooms. It was the last sketch of a house and I’m not doing another one anymore.
The board of directors soon came and the meeting started. My friend James was also there since his firm became a partner just like what we agreed on when I left his firm, Aero Designs. He and his wife, Angela, had always been there for me since she left me. Angela was the last one she talked to, and Angela knew that she doesn’t know that she hurt me, because her head bumped on the floor and when she woke up, she couldn’t remember anyone of us. I was sure that her amnesia was gone but it also erased all the memories that we shared.
When the meeting ended, the member of the board all congratulated me but I’m sure that their eyes are also telling me that if ever I need help, I can ask them. James was the last one that shook my hand. “Paano ba ‘yan? Pumapantay ka na sa’kin. CEO ka na rin.” He teased.
“Psh. Wala sa titulo ‘yan James. I’m still better than you.” I said with a sly smile on my face. My friend’s mouth gaped and then he laughed.
“Gee, Lim. Hindi mo kailangang mangbully.” He said. “I bet Tito Roberto talked to you.”
I nodded. “Yeah. He brought me back to my senses. Anyway, past is past. As the new CEO, I want to start fresh. I really want to move on bro and I think I’m standing on my own way of doing that.” I said.
“Wow. Alam mo, gusto ko ring humingi ng advice dyan kay Tito Roberto. We spent two years, two years, para iparating sa’yo yan and here you are, after talking to your father, saying these stuff na parang hindi namin sa’yo sinasabi dati.” James said. “But I’m happy that you’re back bro. We need to celebrate! We go big tonight!”
“What? No! Mapapagalitan lang ako ni Angela. You spent the whole night yesterday saying that she’s getting mad at you kasi tumatakas ka sa pag-alaga kay kay Gelo.” I said. Well, it was the truth. James called me in the middle of the night to blabber that.
“Ah, oo nga pala. Eh kasi naman, diapers, all the crying it’s just .. Hey, may kasalanan ka sa’kin. Bakit mo ko tinulugan?” James asked.
“It was eleven in the evening, James. I was asleep.” I replied. I put him on speaker phone last night and let him do his talking while I was sleeping. “Anyway, what’s with that interview thing Tito Louie said? I was signing some paper, hindi ko na naintindihan ‘yung sinasabi niya.”
“It’s for the newspaper. Ask your secretary kung saan ka pupunta. Since Vanguard is a huge firm in the architecture business, they’re going to interview you, the new CEO, about it. Front page ata sa business page.” James said.
I groaned. “Kailangan pa ba ‘yon? Can’t I just run the place discreetly?”
“Apparently, no. C’mon man, this is huge! Malalagay na kayo sa dyaryo. Even your picture will be there!” He said.
“What? No. Alam mo, ikaw na lang ang pumunta . Mas excited ka pa sa’kin eh.” I replied.
He groaned. “No. Lim, ikaw ang hinihingi. This is a brilliant idea. Maraming makakarecognize ng firm niyo and don’t forget Aero okay? Dun ka galing.” He said. “I’m pretty sure they’ll put your picture there. Baka mag-hire pa sila ng photographer para magkaron ng photoshoot. Check your schedule, a’ight? I need to go.” James said and patted my back.
Ugh. Do I really need to do all of that?
A/N : Sino pa pong broken sa nangyari sa kanila? Haha.Thank you po sa mga nagko-comment! Damang-dama ko po ang hinagpis niyo kahapon. Ngayon, alam niyo na po kung bakit hindi ako makapaglagay ng tungkol kay Maya.
Asan kaya si Maya? Paano kaya sila magkikita? May makakahula kaya ng iniisip ko? Hihi.